Collinization
Thursday, May 29, 2003
 
She has De-Railed

Okay, so there's some moron in Florida, who used to adopt children for sparring practice, who decided she wants to wear her moose-lamb ski-mask in her driver's license photo. Florida DMV sez 'STFU'. Because there are tons of people who get paid every day to sit around and wait for shit to happen(reporters), this becomes a big story when there's nothing else going on. How fucking stupid are you? Should you be allowed to drive, considering your severe mental handicap? These are all questions I want answered before this woman is even issued a license, regardless of the picture.

Driver's licenses are used for Identification. You can't identify someone wearing a goddamn turban or whatever you call that glorified scarf thing they wear. Take off your headdress and get a photo, or else we will just use the mug shot we have on record from when you beat the shit out of someone else's kid.

Actually, I have a better idea. Let the bitch wear the rag. Then every time there is a crime committed by someone wearing a mask, haul this moron down to the precinct and question her for 12 or 15 hours. She matches the profile according to her state issued driver's license.

Here's a good question for all you moose-lamb scholars. Why does she need to drive at all? Since muslim law requires that she wears the veil, doesn't that same muslim law require her to always travel with a male family member or her husband? So conceivably, her escort could always be the one driving, and she could happily wear her wave cap doo-rag hybrid in the passenger seat. But that won't happen. Why? Because she doesn't travel with an escort, because she doesn't follow muslim law, and she doesn't really give a shit about the veil either. She is just using this to get her 15 extra minutes of fame, because its better to be remembered as a Floridian moron wearing a goalie helmet than to be remembered as a trailer trash slut who beats the shit out of foster children. I no longer believe in evolution; people like this would've been weeded out eons ago if only the strong survived.


Wednesday, May 28, 2003
 
Smokers are not Lepers

We need to clear this shit up right now. I'm sick and fuckin tired of being treated like a leper every time I leave my home. I can't smoke at the office, I can't smoke at the bar, I can't smoke at the hospital. Okay, so maybe the hospital thing makes sense, but you get the drift.

Second hand smoke doesn't kill people. "Oh but I have scientific evidence that proves-" Shut the fuck up. It doesn't kill people. Every death related to respiratory illness is immediately chocked up to smoking, as long as your 5th cousin had a cigarette one time at your house. A coal miner could work in for 50 years in a pit, and live in a house made of asbestos, and the day he died from lung cancer the shrilling idiots would come out screaming about how he died of smoking.

People have smoked tobacco for hundreds of years. Yes, if you smoke enough, for a long enough period time, you are going to get cancer and die. It's no secret. But your not going to get lung cancer because some guy was smoking a cigar 3 stools away at some hole in the wall you were getting sauced at. Imagine that, people drinking alcohol, a substance that can kill you in a single night if you drink enough of it, and they are complaining because there's a little cigarette smoke in the air. Sheryl Crow wrote a song about you, ya fuckin retard.

New York sucks now. Don't spend your vacation here. My dad saw a guy in Manhattan get a 75 dollar fine for having a for sale sign in his car. Parking tickets are 105 dollar fine. Bloomberg fucked up the budget and can't figure out how to fix it, so rather than cut back on his cronies, he decided to jack up the price of everything and close all the fire houses down. If anyone knows a nice place to live where you can smoke indoors and not have to sell your car to pay the fine for a parking ticket, let me know, i'll be your new neighbor.

Tuesday, May 27, 2003
 
Hello strange internet people! This is my blog. It's the greatest blog ever, cuz i friggin said so! Here you will find my deepest personal insights on such topics as politics, religion, oral hygeine, and enslaving the french. Since nobody will probably ever read this, I can pretty much say whatever I want, so time for you to learn a little bit about your author.

I am a 22 year old idjit from the suburbs, if you didn't catch that first sentence up there on the top of the page. I graduated with a B.A. in english from a state university in NY last May, to discover 2 things:

1. 98.6% of what I was taught throughout my academic career is a steaming pile of horseshit. That's 10 lbs of horseshit, in a 5 lb bag. And who the hell decided that pound started with the letter "L"? Fire that guy, and whoever sits next to him.

2. A B.A. in english doesn't qualify you to hold any job other than teaching english to others.

Nobody told me that shit when I signed up, I swear! Anyway, upon leaving the sheltered world that is college and entering reality, I discovered my standard issue opinion, right down there next to my asshole. So I figured I would share it with everyone immediately(my opinion, you sick, sick freaks). So here you will find it.

Things you might ask me:

Politics: Conservative I guess, but by default. I have yet to find a political party which matches my views, but conservative comes close enough; I'd say libertarian, but those crazy bastards all have guns and who wants to be lumped in with them!?!(just kidding don't shoot meh!)

Religion: Agnostic/Atheist. It varies by day. When it gets down to it there could be a God, for all I know. It's just as likely that there isn't. The one thing I am sure of, though, is that if there is a God, he isn't like the God described in the Koran, the Bible, those scrolls they found in those caves that time, or any other book written by angry old men many moons ago.

If there is a God, he doesn't care much about you. He doesn't care if you pray, he doesn't need you to worship him once a week, and he's damn sure too busy taking care of things you'll never understand to give you a new job or cure your sister's irritable bowel syndrome, so just leave the guy alone for chrissakes.

Abortion: I'm for choice. If you bust my balls about it, I may one day explain why this is. But I think abortion is something you either do or don't do, and you don't sit around scratching your ass instead of making a decision. 3rd trimester abortions=bad. Morning after pill=less bad, but not good either. Other forms of birth control=better. Abstinence: Much like communism, it looks good on paper, but these are human beings we're talking about.

Drugs: Drugs piss me off. You can't smoke a little pot here and there, but if the doc thinks you need a few vicotins for that back ache, its cool to get stoned all of a sudden?!? What kinda hypocrisy is that? Stop busting balls and arrest real criminals, like people who do crack and heroine.

Guns: I am literate, so I realize that owning a gun is a right granted to every citizen by the constitution. I'm not gonna have the militia debate either, so just save your shit and accept it. Does that mean i think any asshole should be able to own a small, hand-held nuclear weapon for his own personal enjoyment? Of course not, you fool. You want a gun, and you don't have a criminal record, more power to you. When you can convince me that its necessary to have a 50 mm chaingun mounted to the top of your hummer to hunt squirrel, maybe I'll join the NRA. Until then, I think people have the right to bitch for gun control, given the condition that they put a sign in their front lawn that says "I support gun control. This house is unarmed." If you do that, you prove you have a set big enough to support your beliefs, and it makes your opinion credible. Chuck Schumer screaming about automatic weapons while hiding behind his heavily armed bodyguard is another story for another day.

Okay, okay.

Chuck Schumer is a pussy. There, I said it.

Homos: I don't hate gay people. I will, on occasion, call things gay. I will call people fags, and mean it as a derogatory term. Does that make me a bigot? Probably. But I wouldn't fire or not hire someone because they were gay, I wouldn't try to hurt them in any way because they are gay, and I wouldn't call them a fag to their face unless I knew them pretty well. This goes with the next topic of your interest:

Minorities: Sorta the same as gay folk. I don't care what color you are, but I find racial slurs to be rather amusing. Except the n-bomb. That's just not cool. I consider myself a minority, even though they make me check whitey on all those boxes. Who reads those things anyway? Oh yeah, the racists do; nobody else cares. I'm Irish, we used to be the 2nd class citizens around here, the other white people used to think we were the missing link between ape and man. Luckily for us micks, people with different colored skin came around and took the heat off, and off we went to crackersville. Good work, brown/red/yellow/black people!

Gooberment: Those sons of bitches steal my money every week. All i'm saying is if you are gonna tax me 20% when I make it, and then another 8% when I spend it, then why don't you just cut the shit and charge me 28% off the bat! Every time I receive change that is not a multiple of 5, I get a little bit more pissedoff. You keep this shit up, and i'm voting for Al Sharpton and high-tailing it to Canada.





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